Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
