Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
