I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
