I'm so fucking centered right now
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
