HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
