booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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