he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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