Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's blow job season.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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