i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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