My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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