yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
