my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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