just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
