Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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