Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
