i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
