some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
