It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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