man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
