If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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