if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
