Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
