why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
