All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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