final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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