Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
