I feel great
I just peed on a car
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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