i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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