dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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