Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
