No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
