Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
