All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
