You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
