Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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