Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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