I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
