Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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