We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
