We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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