I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
