With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
