Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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