I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
