the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
