she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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