need another drink. this is the easiest way
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
