he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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