my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
