I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
